Photography by Quincy Phillips
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There are humans, and then there are humans who are aware of their own mortality.
I don’t know about you, but I’m the latter. I was diagnosed with Cystic Fibrosis at just a couple months old, and it wasn’t lost on me that highschool may well have been the middle of my life. Other kids were going through rebellious phases while I was potentially experiencing a literal midlife crisis at 15.
And you know, in a way that was a gift.
Read MoreFor the first time in over a year, I felt safe. I felt bright and warm and safe. I felt like life was flowing through me, and like I was comfortable. Like the shimmer of peach fuzz in the sunset, you know? That simple kind of early autumn sunset on a hammock in the country, perfect.
Read MoreI’m going alone to the edge of the world to write my healing story. (And then bring it back to you.) I’m going alone to the edge of the world to explore healing in a new way. To face myself, exactly as I am without the buffer of the distractions I’ve grown accustomed to.
I’m not running away from anything. I’m running right into the arms of my deepest longing and my greatest fears, and nothing has ever felt more right in my life.
Read MoreI love my natural inclination to dig deeper, to live deeply, to think and explore and play and evaluate and reflect. I love that I find my way to the answers that I need. I don’t need to prove to anyone that I don’t have certain issues or that I’m doing the Right work to get better myself. My natural instincts are lovely. And I am always doing my best. And I’m allowed to rest and I’m allowed to play within my soul. I’m allowed to pray and live and love in my own way. And it is enough.
I am enough.
Read MoreThis massive crash and burn that has been my 22nd-23rd years around the sun started with this complete loss of something beautiful and powerful inside of myself- the understanding that my healing was strength and beauty and that the way I chose to exist through suffering was worth something.
Read MoreToday, I just wanted to say a quick hello, give you some amazing life updates, and let you know where Lilacs in Paradise is going from here- because I promise I’m coming back to full-time blogging over here!
Read MoreHave you seen The Boy with the Cuckoo-Clock Heart?
I especially love Miss Acacia and the way the artists showed her guard going up as a rope of thorns that appears around her body. Sometimes I feel that happen in myself, especially online where it's so easy for people to forget they are sharing with other humans- not just a screen full of numbers.
I’ve been a super healthy CFer for most of my life, and that’s not really because I’m a Cystic Fibrosis fighter or a super hero or anything. Honestly, I mostly got lucky. I rebelled against the standard western approach to CF, refusing meds and being non-compliant at every opportunity. I never took my meds, and it’s catching up with me. Here’s what I would tell my rebellious past self about taking care of her chronic illness…
Read MoreI’ve been rebuilding myself with love and dedication, and it has been the most beautiful, powerful, painful, ugly experience of my life.
Here are 10 major lessons I learned while recovering from an abusive situation I got myself into at 22 years old:
Read MoreIn the beginning, everything was fine. I was motivated to make the best of the situation, we were saving $$$ for our dreams, and I was building my dream business.
And then... things started slipping through the cracks.
Read MoreWhat I’ve realized is that so much of the coaching world is built on fraud. Shady scammy frustrating marketing tactics that feed on people in the most vulnerable points of their lives.
The hardest thing for me to face through everything going on was that I was a part of the coaching scam cycle.
Read MoreI get this feeling a lot in the spring- when the rainy days take over and it’s hard to believe 80+ degrees and non-stop sun are just around the corner. Add the frustration and doubt of a flopped launch in my business, and I’m pacing around the apartment wondering what I can possibly do with myself. Should I just keep poking my failure with a stick? What now?
Here’s what I learned about self-love on a rainy day.
Read MoreIt’s been a wild and fantastic year!! Many celebrations were had, and many mistakes were made and learned from! But one stands out that I need to correct with YOU! Basically, I got super excited about a lot of the business skills and strategy I was learning this past year, and some of it seriously went to my head. I tried to do something I never wanted to do in the first place, and it bit me in the ass. And I’m glad it did!!
Lilacs in Paradise is going back to her roots- and I hope you’ll come along! Here’s why… & what you can expect:
Read MoreWhen you first begin to set boundaries, every decision and thought begins to feel like a little more effort. For me, it was scary and exhausting at first. Then it became exciting, it was a little bit of a rush! Every time I set a boundary and there was no push-back or lashing out, my brain would buzz with the excitement of becoming my own person with my own energetic space in life.
Read MoreHere’s the big secret to my fresh perspective on life! I’m going to elaborate on this Entire-Freakin-Life Reset in the coming weeks and share practical tips for what I did to get my business together and prepare for the new flood of clients and opportunities that hit me suddenly, but I want to share the most important shift with you today and explain how you can recreate it for yourself (even if you’re not a VA working for an awesome business consultant).
Read MoreI shared a vulnerable video to Facebook before my annual wellness visit and pap smear this morning, but there are some details I wanted to get into that I think are better covered in writing. My intention is for this post to be helpful to all women- because honestly pap smears are never fun. They are super uncomfortable- and I remember dreading them even before I ever experienced a miscarriage or the trauma of rape.
Read MoreOne thing I’ve been really shocked by as an adult is how oblivious much of the middle class is to true poverty and what it’s like to be poor. People think not being able to afford a family vacation one year is poverty (never mind the fact that they spent their vacation money on a shiny two-year-old pickup or a cabin a few hours north for vacations). I wasn’t that kind of poor.
Read MoreThere may be massive realizations and moments where the clouds part along the way to embracing yourself, but self-love is kinda like a combination of a roller coaster and an upward spiral. It’s a consistent change over time- and I mean consistent in the long run. It’s a practice, not a revelation.
Read MoreActually, I haven’t tried “real jobs” online, I’ve spent hundreds of hours searching for and applying for legitimate part- and full-time jobs online, but I never heard back from any of them, or the ones I did hear back from came off as super scammy and I didn’t pursue it. I’m amazing at getting new jobs, so this just made me feel like maybe the market isn’t as far along online as we thought. Who knows.
Annnyway, I’ll include links where I can with these. There’s only one company I felt was truly rotten, and I’m going to be super blunt with you about it because I do not want you to have the same experience!
Read MoreFor anyone who doesn’t know, cystic fibrosis is a genetic disorder of the pancreas that basically causes all of the mucus linings in the body (especially the lungs and digestive system) to be super thick and sticky. It makes our lungs a stellar breading ground for bacteria and other infections, and makes things like sinus infections and the common cold potentially life-threatening.
Here’s a look inside my daily life with cystic fibrosis.
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