Read about my eBook journey and learn how to write and publish your own eBook in under 30 days. Recommendations based on what I’ve tried and tips on what I’ve learned since creating my first eBook.
So you’re feeling stuck? I know the struggle… I want to teach you about extrapolating a decision today. This is something I do all. the. time. when I can’t choose between two options and I feel like there are overwhelming downsides to every option (or they are both freakin’ awesome and I don’t know which is better).
This is a short, simple exercise you can do any time you’re feeling stuck and torn between two choices. My first answer to these situations is always to check in with your intuition, which you can read more about in this post.
If tapping into your intuition isn’t bringing up any answers, though, extrapolating your decision is an awesome way to see what the underlying hesitation is and identify what you really want. This also helps you to see other options that you don’t always notice in the stress of the moment.
What is extrapolating a decision?
Extrapolating a decision is estimating what it would look like if you continued to make the same decision over and over through time.
Essentially, you’re going to imagine what your life would look like in five years if you continued making the same type of decision over and over. You pick one of the options you’re torn between, and let it play out in your mind and then imagine the next time you might be faced with a similar choice, you choose the same option.
Does that make sense?
Let me clarify with an example.
Say you’re torn between going out on a date last minute with someone you’ve been into forEVER, or going out for coffee with a friend you made plans with earlier in the week. You two hang out all the time, but you also know she’s had a kinda rough week…
So what are you going to do?
Well, imagine you choose the date. You let your friend know, you do your best to make it right and ask to move your coffee date to a Saturday brunch with her instead, or a wine night in the following day. She’s disappointed, but she gets it and you get to do both.
Now… Imagine your date goes really well, but you wait quite a while to get in touch after the date. It’s been a week or two, you have plans to work on a project due on Sunday. Your date reaches out to you Thursday to go on a date Friday… and your weekend is going to be packed… Now what will you choose? If you were sticking with the type of decision you made the first time around, you’d have to put your own life aside to make time for this date.
So, that’s the trend you’re starting.
(Hint: this is an awesome tool for setting boundaries and realizing that your boundaries are perfectly reasonable!! Because if you don’t set the boundary that this person can’t just expect you to drop everything, you risk putting your entire life off to the side for this one person. If you wouldn’t be okay with it ever again, why allow it the first time around? If the opportunity can’t wait a couple days for you or give you some notice, then maybe it’s not a quality opportunity you need in your life.)
Then, look at the other side.
Say you choose to stick to your plans with your friend. You respond that you already have plans, but that you’d love to grab coffee or dinner together the next day.
Your date has a choice now. And if they say no and lose interest, you know they weren’t worth sacrificing your time with a good friend over. If they say yes, then you can rest easy knowing you’ve already started to establish healthy boundaries and respected your own time and priorities while still getting what you wanted.
Now you can check in and ask yourself which of those future scenarios you are happier with, and make your decision accordingly.
You can do this with all sorts of situations and it really makes the process so much easier. In the moment, you wouldn’t have even been thinking about boundaries, but when you stepped back to play out your options and choose with your future self in mind, you saw a whole new perspective.
Give it a go, and if you’re feelings stuck, reach out to me! This is exactly the sort of thing I work through with my 1:1 clients.
Jessica Pena | Lifestyle + Blog Coach
I haven’t always been confident, and I didn’t even really notice that I’d gotten more confident until this kind lady pointed it out. In the past three years, my confidence has exploded. I’m sure some of it just has to do with life experience, but I can think of a few things I’ve done or realized that probably had a lot to do with the sudden change. Let me tell you about it.
This is the story of Lilacs in Paradise.
I first wanted to be a blogger when I ended up in the hospital at 17 years old. I’d been working as a care giver in a nursing home and I caught a lung infection (which is a big deal! For those of you who don’t know me, I have cystic fibrosis and with CF, a cold or lung infection can be deadly!)
Everything you need to know about these creatures of balance and justice.
In case you aren’t already familiar with the concept of resistance, I want to fill you in! Resistance is friction in life. It’s anything tough, annoying, different, uncomfortable… It’s anything that rubs you wrong or bothers you or scares you.
Here’s how to work through that.
Here are 3 pieces of short and sweet advice I have to share with baby bloggers- and what I’d go back and tell myself!
At first I resisted it SO HARD. “Don’t be a feminazi,” some rotten little voice in my head would mutter when I’d start to let my anger out. And back into the box it would go- because I wouldn’t want to be a bitch. or a feminazi. or a psychopath. or something. Right?
I didn’t earn my entire degree at once. I took a year-long break right in the middle… and I’m so glad I did!
This is what I what I wish someone had told me at 17 and 18 years old.
You already know you want to live a passionate life. You already want to stop being a perfectionist and learn to execute your amazing ideas, go with the flow sometimes, pave your own path at times, and have an impact on this world.
The power isn’t in hiding the feelings,
it’s in having the courage to let them show.
You’d know that if you felt the rage,
the pain, the terror
of someone forcing himself
Trusting ourselves should be the most natural thing in the world, but the truth is that it can be really difficult. Especially if we believe we’ve been wrong in the past, and even more so if our being wrong ended with pain and regret. (If this is you, take a look at this post where we talk more in-depth about releasing regret.)
I’m going to give you two tools to uncover the truth behind what’s going on. They’ll be most effective if you start with the first one to get in tune with your body and really feel where you are physically, and then dive into the second exercise to open up to the answers your heart already knows (that your self-doubt is drowning out).
Today we’re looking at recognizing resistance in our daily lives so that we can actually process it and choose our next steps consciously, rather than subconsciously sabotaging ourselves and avoiding the resistance. (Which leads to built up emotions, continued frustration, dwindling hopes, and all that other not-so-fun stuck-ness!)
You have the power to tear that belief into a million pieces and replace it with a hot new truth that empowers you, that brings you to life and embraces that powerful and inspiring woman you already ARE instead of pushing her away and denying yourself the opportunity to be her.
The releasing and the change both naturally want to happen… but sometimes we dig our heels in and raise such a fuss that we miss the entire transformation and just find ourselves in the frozen wasteland on the other side completely against our will.
Do you ever hesitate to let your partner know you’re having a difficult time?
Do you always hesitate to let your partner know?
Do you feel guilty for sharing your struggles with others?
I’m here to tell you that you are not a burden, and sharing your struggles with a loved one is not a selfish act.
The only time it is selfish is when you’re sharing to spread negativity- when you share the burden with the intent of having some company in your misery. And not just having company while you are miserable, because of course when we are hurting we long for comfort… It’s selfish to share your misery with the intention of actually creating misery in someone else’s life. That’s it. That’s when it’s selfish.
The rest of the time? Sharing your burden with another is