It's okay to not be okay.

I don't know about you guys, but the past year has been really hard in my house. It's been a struggle in ways I didn't even know I could struggle. From love to health to finances, it's beginning to feel like this crazy life is just set on doing backflips until the end of time. It's like a carnival ride, and I want off! I'm tired, I'm sick of struggling, and I'm definitely feeling the weight of the world. 

But here's the thing, being in the gutter for so long has helped me realize that it's okay to be struggling. It's okay to not be at my best, to not be a bright little ball of sunshine 24/7. I used to be the person who was literally always giggling- who never had a bad day and made the most out of every single piece of crap life threw at me... well not anymore. Today when life throws me a curve ball, you bet you're ass I'm going to shout from the rooftop- are you fucking kidding me?? Give me a break universe, what the hell did I do to you? 

Stop judging me. I see those raised eyebrows. Put them down. This is my blog, my post, and I'm gonna tell you what's up. This is my territory, so put your judgy eyes away and hear me out. I'm gonna pull some why-me action when life throws more shit in the fan today, and I have every right to do that! I'm tired, I'm sick, I'm sick of being tired and REALLY tired of being sick. It's hard, and I'm tired of working hard. I want a break. So yeah, what the fuck life, knock it off! Stop kicking me while I'm down! 

I'm gonna grumble my way through this obnoxious bend in the road, I'm gonna glare at the heavens until I really do master lazer eye-beams. But I'm not gonna give up, I'm not gonna blame other people for the mess I'm in. Sure, I couldn't have predicted everything that has hit me in the past few months, but I could have saved up a bit, prepared a little, applied a little more caution. I'm learning a lesson I wouldn't have needed to learn if I was totally ready for everything life has thrown at me. So I'm gonna grumble and groan, I'm gonna cry like a little kid alone in my room once in a while, and I'm gonna pick myself up off the floor and get ready to face life again. 

I'm not saying life is never good and that I'm just gonna be unhappy every day forever- that's probably not okay. That's probably pretty unhealthy. I'm just saying sometimes life is fucking hard. Sometimes it's a real shitshow, sometimes we aren't all at our best. Sometimes our house is a mess, our bank accounts are even messier, and our hair is in the least hot-Tumblr-girl-ish messy bun known to woman, all at the same time- and that's okay! And that doesn't make us worthless people!  

Life is amazing. It's really freakin' awesome. It's beautiful, it's insane, it hurts like hell some days, sometimes we laugh and sometimes we cry and sometimes we do both at the same time without even knowing why. Good for us! Live it up! When you're sad, when things have been hard for too long, feel free to take a moment to just stare life right in the eyes and ask What. The. Fuck. ??? It's alright. We won't judge. 

Anyway, that's a lecture I recently had to give myself because there was nobody around to give it to me... and it turned out to be a pretty important self-lecture. So I'm sharing it with you. Enjoy. 

Here's a nice pat on the back to everyone who related to this. *pat pat pat* It's gonna be okay. 


Jessica Peña

Spirituality, LifestyleJessica Pena