When you can't talk about your problems...

Do you ever hesitate to let your partner know you’re having a difficult time?
Do you always hesitate to let your partner know?
Do you feel guilty for sharing your struggles with others?

I’m here to tell you that you are not a burden, and sharing your struggles with a loved one is not a selfish act.

The only time it is selfish is when you’re sharing to spread negativity- when you share the burden with the intent of having some company in your misery. And not just having company while you are miserable, because of course when we are hurting we long for comfort… It’s selfish to share your misery with the intention of actually creating misery in someone else’s life. That’s it. That’s when it’s selfish.

The rest of the time? Sharing your burden with another is an incredible gift.

Think about your loved ones. The people you feel most protective of, the ones you adore the most, the truly good people you know. What does it mean to you when they tell you they are having a difficult time?

Do you feel horrible after they share with you? Or do you feel a loving connection? Special that they chose to confide in you? Powerful that you were able to offer comfort and share their burden so that they could leave a little lighter?

When we share our burdens, we don’t just toss the load onto someone else and leave them to deal with it. Telling someone else about your struggle and being open to comfort and to receiving understanding and good will is powerful- and it brings you both up, not down.

Sure, your news make bring some sadness into someone’s life for knowing that you are suffering, but it’s nothing compared to the sadness of seeing someone suffer who won’t allow you to help or even listen. It’s nothing compared to the sadness of watching someone suffer alone. It’s absolutely nothing compared to losing someone who you didn’t even know was suffering until it was too late.

When we share a burden with someone, we are showing that we trust them. We are opening up our own hearts, releasing the pressure and pain we’ve been clinging to so tightly, and allowing love in. We are also giving other hearts the opportunity to shine, to share and give love and light just like they are meant to do.

It takes courage to open up to others, especially with burdens nobody else necessarily has reason to know about… but when you keep it to yourself, you’re no longer your best self. You’re struggling, you’re playing a balancing act, your energy is focused on being in pain, hopefully getting through the pain, hiding the pain, resenting the pain for existing, fearing the pain may never leave, wishing you had someone to share with, feeling guilty for wanting to share, wondering if you should share, feeling ashamed for considering being a burden, and then probably feeling heaps of guilt for all the people you’ve snapped at, blown off, or ignored along the way because you’re spread so thin trying to balance all. the. things.


Put that burden down. Share it with a loved one and allow yourself to receive some of the love and support you are always giving out. And if you’re not already giving it out, know that opening your heart in this way is your first step. Share your burden, lighten your load and enjoy the soothing company of a loved one… and then pay it forward.

This is how we use our problems to make the world brighter and bring ourselves up in life.

You are not a burden. You don’t have to do this alone. To share is to be human.

With so much love,

Jessica Peña

LifestyleJessica PenaComment