Hey babe, if you’re reading this, I want to start off by saying you are already wonderful, okay?
I see so many incredible women who beat themselves up over feeling a full range of emotions. I want you to know you’re not alone, you’re not crazy, and you’re not a disaster. In truth, you already have all the answers you need… but when you’re busy feeling overwhelmed and out of control, it’s really really hard to hear those answers… so I’m going to share some of mine with you today in the hopes that it will help you be able to hear your own.
This post isn’t about what you need to fix about yourself… In fact, it’s the opposite. What do you think of that?
So… here’s the thing. You don’t need to get your emotions under control.
(Um, quick side note: I’m not a mental health care professional or anything of the sort- and it is not at all my intention to disrespect, disregard, diagnose, or nullify any mental health struggles or to undermine dedicated and educated professionals. I’m just a girl sharing my experience in the hopes that it makes your load a little lighter to carry, okay? aNYWAY, back to the post.)
You don’t need to get your emotions under control.
Honestly, emotions kinda do what they want. Sure, we can create habits of feeling a certain way based on the habits and thoughts we entertain and the mindset we practice on a daily basis… but ultimately, feelings come and go.
All sorts of feelings, the full range.
Sometimes they’re a freakin’ tornado, flying in every direction, threatening to uproot our entire being… and sometimes they’re a tsunami hitting us all at once on every side… Sometimes they’re a gentle breeze or the stagnant heat on a summer day… but ultimately, the feelings aren’t what need to be controlled.
They are a part of what makes us human. It’s in their nature, and in our nature to experience, the free flow of feelings in unpredictable patterns.
Don’t believe me?
Well, here’s what I think: It’s not our emotions that need to be controlled. It’s our reaction to them.
It’s our response and our beliefs around them.
Take anger for instance. Say you have a habit of getting angry “out of nowhere.”
Something just sets you off and before you know it, you’ve snapped at those you love the most and you’re in a spiral of pissed-off despair. You know you ruin everything and you suck at life and you’ll never get out of your own damn way and let yourself just live a life you love and be the powerful, inspiring woman you wish you could be.
You’re too angry for all of that.
No no no.
None of that is truth. That is a belief. A cold, hard, fear-based belief that is ripping you apart.
That’s great news because that means you have the power to choose again!
You have the power to tear that belief into a million pieces and replace it with a hot new truth that empowers you, that brings you to life and embraces that powerful and inspiring woman you already ARE instead of pushing her away and denying yourself the opportunity to be her.
Can you see that?
I want to share something to help get you started. It’s a bit of a homework assignment, and I want you to take it seriously… if you’re serious about “getting your emotions under control,” and that’s still what you think you need to do.
I want you to write down 10 sentences about YOU when you are angry.
10 beliefs you have about yourself.
“When I am angry, I…”
Now… I want you to write down the opposite.
So if you wrote “When I am angry I’m a jerk. I don’t care about anything when I’m angry.” You might write the opposite as, “I’m a kind person when I’m angry. I care about everything when I’m angry.”
That feels a little silly right?
But I want you to think about it for a minute. Remember how seriously you’ve been taking yourself?
I want you to use that. Play devils advocate and try to give me some serious evidence for those opposite statements you wrote. Write down three facts that prove that you are, in fact, a kind person when you’re angry. You DO care about everything when you’re angry.
Do you see how perception changes depending on what you choose to focus on?
So many of us have this deep belief that when we are angry, we have failed. We’re supposed to be light and joy and rainbows and all that… so when we feel angry and we act on it, we’re like the scum of the earth or something…
But that’s not the truth. The truth is that you’re planning a better life for yourself. You’ve already set the goal and intention to become a kinder person, to stop snapping at your loved ones when anger catches you off guard, to be a powerful and inspiring woman who makes a positive impact on the world.
Would some angry, careless jerk have any of those intentions? Would someone who didn’t care be stepping back and searching “how to get your emotions under control?”
Heck no, they wouldn’t be.
So… What does this mean about who you are?
It means you’re a human being and you sometimes feel things like anger… It means you’re growing, learning, and practicing choosing differently than you have in the past.
It means you are brave enough to face what is and overcome it rather than sticking your head in the sand and taking the “easy” way out. What’s more powerful and inspiring than that?
So… are you still trying to get your emotions under control? Try out this homework and let me know what comes up! And then take the time to think about some practical steps you can take to start reacting to those strong emotions more effectively.
Want to talk about this more? Reach out and we’ll chat! I’d love to hear from you.