Self-love is not an epiphany.
Self-love is a practice, not an epiphany.
There may be massive realizations and moments where the clouds part along the way, but self-love is kinda like a combination of a roller coaster and an upward spiral. It’s a consistent change over time- and I mean consistent in the long run (because honestly, some days are just lows, sometimes there are phases where it’s tough, and that’s okay. It’s all still part of the process and you are on the right track, I promise).
I was blessed with a beautiful mini-vacation just below the gorgeous Idaho mountains this week. I spent the night on a gorgeous property outside of Council, Idaho and literally frolicked in the wild flowers and pranced around with giant dogs, skipped around chickens, and watched chickens be the silly little critters they are. I even woke up to a rooster crowing. (you know, after waking up to coyotes howling and the dogs barking throughout the night- and also a random bird singing at 3:30a.m.)
I was staying with my best friend and she graciously served my favorite chai tea and an amazing burrito for breakfast.
We spent the morning chatting on the couch in pajamas and appreciating the pace of the day before going for a hike through the gorgeous green hills literally covered in yellow wildflowers (and tons of tiny purple, pink, and blue ones too!). We did a photo shoot, laughed SO MUCH, and her gorgeous dogs repeatedly dove into the pictures at the last minute, ran off to chase birds at every opportunity, and literally pranced around and over all the sage bushes.
It was kinda like a dream…
It almost made me forget about the crippling anxiety and incessant panic attacks I’d been suffering from for weeks on end.
But it didn’t actually make me forget.
In fact, I was super aware of the contrast between the time I spent off-grid (and the couple days before, which were actually the beginning of a shift really starting to manifest in my thoughts and habits). And that was great because I was able to celebrate the contract and really consciously notice that THIS was how I wanted to feel. This way of thinking, these actions, this environment was exactly what I wanted to focus on cultivating more of in my life.
What an opportunity to truly be able to witness and kinda test-drive the new perspective I was learning!
This experience was just another reminder that self-love is not one single epiphany.
There’s probably not ever going to be just one single event or moment that teaches us to love and appreciate ourselves, to be kind to ourselves, or to live our lives consciously and truly step into the life we want to live. It’s actually a practice- it’s something you learn consciously and overtime. The epiphanies, massive realizations, and paradigm shifts are incredible and I love those moments!! But ultimately self-love is the culmination of all of the conscious decisions you make to open up to yourself and show yourself kindness and live in a space of self-love over time. It’s a journey that keeps on going, an upward spiral, but with bumps and seasons that take you up and down. Self-love is more than a feeling, it’s a conscious decision and there’s no right or wrong way to do it.
So honestly, I just want you to know you are doing an amazing job.
You’re already doing enough. You are enough.
If you’re trying, then you already DO love yourself.
I know this because you’ve loved yourself enough to show up and read this, enough to start researching ways to love yourself and to start surrounding yourself with people who appreciate, support, and encourage that growth (you are doing this already, otherwise you wouldn’t have found my blog!). Give yourself credit, and a break if you need it. Don’t forget to celebrate what you notice and what you aim for, because the past you didn’t even notice. That’s already progress in the direction you want to go, and it’s beautiful and wonderful and worth celebrating. You are on the path already. Celebrate every second.
And if you get the opportunity to go roll in wildflowers, I highly recommend it.
Unless you’re allergic, in which case please don’t to that to yourself.
Many X’s & O’s,