Rambles on Love, Kindness, and Cruelty

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been terrified of being mean. I’m scared to be anything less than kind… but I’m learning now that kindness is subjective, and that too often a false kindness covers up the important truth, boundaries, and power of the kind. It’s a trick I play on myself to keep myself small and safe and unknown to the world around me.

Cruelty comes from fear and pain, but what about kindness? I always felt kindness was a virtue…

But what if kindness can be projected from a space of fear and guilt too? Kindness can be as much a mask as cruelty is… Gentle consideration, with ulterior motives and harsh assumptions can still be called kindness… So maybe kindness isn’t the virtue I thought it was.

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Empty Stares | Wake Me Up

I’m becoming,
and it’s a messy job.
I’m surrounded by love, and
sometimes gratitude eats me alive.

It’s just learning how to open up
and let it all in,
to be vulnerable without
those subtly masochistic motives.

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Relationship Status

I see you there, watching and rewatching those videos
of women catching their men staring at the booties of Instagram,
confronting him all ready for a fight-
slapping him even- girl wtf?

What are you doing?

We go in hot and ready to pick a fight,
but honestly? Girl, you’re hurting bad.

You don’t trust men to be loyal to you,

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Wild Series Sneak Peek: Daisy's Dreams

The man had seen them, it was only a matter of time now. He wanted Morty and he would not be far behind.

We have to get to Daisy, the thought pounded in Claire’s mind to the tune of her feet upon the desert earth. God, I hope she’s real. She shuddered at the thought that it was only a dream.

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Ollie, Ollie Officer

“Stop, Police!” Officer Ollie shrieked with a quick hop.

Bewildered, the cyclist removed his helmet revealing curly brown locks. He looked around frantically for the source of the crime before resting his eyes on the tiny officer in his crinkled blue uniform, with a police cap crooked on his egg-shaped head and a comically stern look on his face.

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Autumn Rage

I’m angry, but they say I’m so sweet.

“Cute.” They tell me.

“That’s cute” became my favorite insult.

I’m a broken girl afraid to be the queen.

(Only sometimes, though.)

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poetryJessica PenaComment
Seventy Times Seven Times

I got home from school to find him storming about the house, drunk again. My baby brother sat in his bouncer wearing a diaper that leaked down his legs. I saw her there, his soul was black and blue. He cried for food while being bellowed at to "shut the hell up!" I crept closer to my brother, cringing away from his breath while attempting to ignore his rage. I took the baby to the bedroom to feed him, change him, and protect him... I heard my sister march in the door and listened to

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Pondering Ego

And as far as wisdom goes, I know that I don't possess it. This isn't a work of wisdom, it's a pondering of ego and inner peace. Maybe sometimes wisdom graces me with insight or compassion, but I certainly don't hold wisdom in my every thought and word. What I believe is only as important as I am, no more, and I am no more important than anyone else, just as nobody else is more important than me. We are all just people trying to figure it out, trying to live another moment, to feel a little deeper, climb a little higher, catch our breath. We are all the same. 

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Karina

Tones of vanilla and tobacco teased the air wherever she wandered. Irresistible.
As if beauty wasn't enough, Karina commanded a lullaby voice
that could entrance the devil himself.
If Helen launched a thousand ships, Karina launched at least nine-thousand more.  

But one thousand ships or ten, it wouldn’t matter,
because Karina was all mine.

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I Woke Up Screaming Last Night

Even when I had the nightmares before, I rarely screamed out loud. I've never screamed so beautifully. It echoed in the room for a few minutes, my terror lingering as I shook and cried, curled up in a little ball around the cat, my back pressed against my husband. I focused on his breathing until I could find my own. 

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Weeping in the Willows

To the angel weeping in the willows, I've got a message just for you. Take it to heart, if you like, because I've carefully formed each and every line as a gift for your sweet soul. If it doesn't tickle your fancy, that's okay too. Just leave this letter knowing that you are loved. You are important in this world. Know that these words were written with kind intentions, wishing you well and promising you deserve it.

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For the Lonely

These are things I wish someone had told me when I was lonely. It's what I say to myself during lonely moments, now that I understand that I am not the way that I feel. I am who I am, no more and no less.

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