For My Sister

Sweet sister, 

You are beautiful, from your adorable laugh to your tiny toes, your ocean eyes and the graceful ways you move when you're lost in thought. Even down to the darkest pits of your mind, you are a delight on this earth. You're lovely as hell, probably literally. You're magical. 

You can't fix anyone, you can only love them. You don't have to forgive anyone, ever, but it will make you feel better to move on without the burden of a grudge. Drop those losers who hurt you, you have better feels to feel and more important things to do in this world than force them to feel remorse. They're not worth it. 

I know I don't need to tell you loneliness sucks. But you have to learn how to cope with it; please don't let it destroy you. You are so much stronger than the shadows of your past and the echos that still haunt you. Did you know that, for me, the worst loneliness happens in a crowd? It happens when I'm surrounded by people, smiling, searching for a pair of friendly eyes, and all I find are hard, absent faces. That is when I feel most alone. 

It's cliche, but you've got to meet yourself every single day. Get acquainted with who you are, with what you love. Love yourself as passionately as you've ever loved anything or anyone. You are worth it. 

Love places and things that make you happy. Don't just like them, love them. Let them in, let them consume you. Believe the world created them just for you. (It did.) 

I love lilacs and the ocean and cold sunrises on the balcony and the smell of coffee and the texture of chickpeas. The world made these things for me. What has it made for you? 

What makes your soul sing? What breaks your heart? Why? What fixes it? Find your balance. To feel sad, lonely, and sometimes even empty is a part of the journey, but only a part. There is another part where you are calm, happy, at peace. Find your balance. Let your emotions fill you and thrill you, but also realize that you are not your emotions. Neither the good nor the bad can define you. The feelings are only temporary. You are eternal. Our childrens' childrens' children will hear about your strength and courage. 

You know everything you need to know, so learn the rest because you want to. I know school sucks sometimes, but learning is much more than school. Find the types of learning you love most and devour them. 

Remember that nothing is urgent. Nothing is as important as it seems. Put self-care first. You can't help anyone if you are busy resisting the urge to drown yourself. Trust me, I know.

Always take responsibility for the consequences of your actions, but remember you are not obligated to carry the guilt around forever. Learn from your mistakes, and then let them go. Life has already moved forward. It's okay to forgive yourself. You have that power. 

Honestly, nobody pays attention. People don't notice much. Do you, always, and don't be afraid. You're a crazy girl, a wonderful person, an intelligent human being. Own every bit of it. Own yourself. You're someone to be proud of. 

And finally, don't ever let anyone tell you what to do or who to be. Including me. Decide for yourself. Not out of spite or out of loyalty, but based on your own knowledge and desires. 

Know that I love you unconditionally, forever. You make me so proud. 

All my love, 
Jessica