Relationship Status

“Can I ask you an honest question?”
By the look on his face, I knew I wasn’t going to like it,
but he was being genuine so I indulged.

“Why are women always competing?” he started,
“when men fight, they hash it out,
but when women fight it’s games and backstabbing.”
“Why do women do that, especially over men?”

I hate to admit it, but he’s right.

Girl-on-girl crime is unreal, even in this post-Mean-Girls era.

Jealous women, backstabbing women, fake-af women,
girl what are you doing?

I see you there, watching and rewatching those videos
of women catching their men staring at the booties of Instagram,
confronting him all ready for a fight-
slapping him even- girl wtf?

What are you doing?

We go in hot and ready to pick a fight,
but honestly? Girl, you’re hurting bad.

You don’t trust men to be loyal to you,
to respect you, to listen to you,
to value you… and you see
those other girls as competition…

But what if it’s the other way around?
What if the man is the competition,
and those other girls are the ones you should be rooting for?
What if their motivation isn’t to steal your man

(which, by the way, can’t be stolen,
because a grown man is fully capable of
and responsible for
making his own damn choices in life)

but is instead to inspire?
What if that booty posted so shamelessly
wasn’t to get his stupid comment,
but to make you feel safe in your own body?

We see what we look for in this life,
so maybe you’re scared, girl.
Maybe you’re hurting.
Maybe you don’t think you’re enough

and you’re fighting so hard to prove that
the one asshole who hurt you so bad
was wrong, that you are enough
and he’ll see that when another man sees what he failed to love in you all along.

But here’s a secret for you-
one I was painfully unaware of for so long too-
it’s not that jerk you need to see you.
It’s yourself.

That’s a cliche and worn out line
that hardly holds any meaning
it’s been used so much,
but it’s true, girl.

You are enough.
Forget the girls he’s looking at,
forget needing to go off
and put him back in his place

to prove you’re still a queen,
to show that you command respect
and loyalty and you will never
let another man treat you the way the first one did.

Girl, forget all that.
That’s not the point,
it’s just a distraction,
something easier than looking at the pain

inside and the fear,
the fear that you might really not be enough,
that you might never truly feel
fantastic and sexy and powerful in your own damn skin.

It’s a cover up for the anger
that you want validation and attention
because you don’t know how to
see and feel your own strength without

using it on someone else,
like he did to you all those years ago.
I’m not calling you out, girl,
I’m sending you love.

Because that shit hurts like hell.
It touches your core,
plants seeds of doubt that are watered
by everything you see-

Seeds that are watered when your man looks at you wrong
(or fails to look at those critical moments)
and that sprout when you see
other women being disrespected.

Being hurt like that,
in the healing ignites a fire
that you never want to go out,
because self-worth flowing through anger

feels better than no self-worth at all.
And I’m not here to shut down your anger-
girl, your anger is glorious
and you are a damn queen.

I’m proud of you for picking
yourself up off the ground where he left you,
and owning your space and using
your voice to speak up and demand

not only what was taken from you,
but also all that you’ve always wanted.
I admire your strength and power,
and I hope that today

is the day that you are finally able
to share it and radiate it out
to the other women in this world
still echoing their own pain in the form of drama and betrayal.

It’s not about you, girl,
it never was- just like for you,
it was never really about those other girls.
So breathe, girl, and use your voice

in ways you won’t regret or feel ashamed of,
in ways that lift you up
and bring life and love to your relationships.
We see what we want in this life,

so start choosing what you really want to see,
and let your life become what you’ve been wishing for.
Girl, it’s already yours.
Don’t @ her, love yourself instead and choose again.

Jessica PenaComment